My Demons

My demons are definitely not unique. They exist in everyone. I accept they are there and together with my strengths, make up who I am. I don’t expect to achieve perfection and banish them from my life. I just want to control them so that they don’t control me.

  1. Personality Traits:  These are hard to change but being aware of them and how they control me gives me the upper hand. My worst traits are insecurity, impatience, and to some degree, shyness. However, I’m also obsessive and hyperactive.
  2. Negative Emotions:  Negative emotions need to be balanced out with positive ones. If they take control, they weaken performance – whether it’s a triathlon race, work, relationships, or striving for a better life. These emotions include anger, stress, negativity, jealousy, worry, guilt, and anxiety. These emotions are a direct result of insecurity and impatience.
  3. Procrastination:  I’m not lazy – but I do find that doing housework, walking the dog, writing, making dinner and television tend to win over going for a work out.
  4. Expectations:  I expect, no, demand a lot from myself. I call it the Superman Syndrome. I’m hard on myself, take on too much (part of the insecure, guilt ridden yes-man in me), and never know when to throw in the towel. I tend to overtrain and ignore injury. These expectations I put on myself can lead to frustration and dissappointment but just enough can give me drive. Again, it’s all about balance.
  5. Self-sacrifice:  Although this can be a noble trait, too much of it can prevent me from advancing myself. I put others’ needs before mine all too often. Self-sacrifice is another result of insecurity and guilt.
  6. Alcohol: During my years of unhappiness and lack of sense of self, I partied hard and drank harder. Alcohol numbed me and made me think that my world was okay. I’m over that stage in my life now and I don’t consider myself an alcoholic. I don’t need it all the time. I don’t drink at work and I certainly don’t guzzle anything with alcohol in it. I was told by someone close to me that alcohol is a symptom. Over the last ten years, I’ve moved from alcoholic to functional alcoholic to social drinker. I don’t plan on giving it up – but I do plan on controlling how much. Why? It’s expensive, it’s loaded in calories, interferes with my sleep and dehydrates me. In excess, this is not good for training (or anything else). By the way – any drink I have lately is because I enjoy the taste (nice jammy wine or an ice cold beer), not the buzz. Unfortunately, there are some weekends when I overdo it because I don’t know when to put the brakes on.
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