Posted by: pursuingsub17 | July 25, 2012

Missing triathlon racing already

It’s been three days since my last big race of the year. I feel like I did when I attended my college graduation, drove home after saying goodbye to everyone and had this weird feeling of emptiness. It was like I had a plan, executed it and then…suddenly everything stops. It isn’t even like a fork in the road and you can’t decide what route to take. The route just ends. So you ask yourself “what do I do now??”

I’ve had empty feelings before at the end of race season but it usually doesn’t happen until the fall. When we drove back from Sylvan Lake on Sunday evening, we were on the stretch of highway I did all my training on and I thought “I’m gonna miss you, little highway!” Maybe it’s because the past four months went by so quickly. I know that’s part of age – time going by too quickly. But the last four months were FAST – fast like a sprint race. I’ve had four good races this year – and they were all bunched up together. One in May, two in June and one in July. Sure, there’s some more running races in the fall but I miss triathlon! Soon I’ll be back in the gym because it’s too miserable outside to go for a run.

Last night I drove home from work and saw a young guy out for a run. You could tell he was training for something, looking very focused. I thought “ha! Thank God I don’t have to do that anymore.” Then I got home and just thought “what do I do now?”

I will get back into working out again – even if it’s just to maintain fitness for now until I think I’m ready to start working on or improve upon my small gain on the bike. But right now I feel like all my goals are gone. That’s the only way to describe it.

What doesn’t help is that I HATE my job and right now that’s all I do. I go to work. I come home and make dinner. I go to bed. I go to work. Repeat. I guess I’m missing training and racing because it was my outlet – my distraction from how freakin’ miserable my job is and how unhappy I am in this line of work and how badly I want to go back to school and can’t at the moment. I have a shitty day in a shitty job but I trained after work to feel accomplished in something I worked hard at. My greatest accomplishments have been in the last 5 years – all involving running or triathlon. At work, I feel drained, apathetic, and going nowhere.

Now that training is over – I’m left with the reality that I have a crap job and I can’t afford to go back to school right now to change careers. I’m in a personal purgatory with nothing to look forward to. Each morning I drag my ass into work and I don’t want to talk to anyone – despite having to put on a happy face and pretend I LOVE what I’m doing. At the end of the day, I go home angry, resentful and frustrated.

I guess the best thing to do right now is set some new goals for the next 6 months. I’m not ready to start plotting out next year’s races (except of course Ironman Canada 2013). But I think I should start looking at what I want to accomplish in the off season – training related or not.

Well, there’s the answer, isn’t it? While I complile my mini-bucket list, I will keep my head down, my office door closed, and plow forward to next year. I’m hoping by September 2013 I will be enrolled in my massage therapy course. It will be another year of new beginnings.

And really, before I know it, I’ll be back in my wetsuit, waiting for the gun to go off!

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