Posted by: pursuingsub17 | March 29, 2012

Balance? What’s that?


I didn’t sleep well last night. But the upside is that I actually had a good workout yesterday after my whining and complaining. I didn’t exactly have a breakthrough but I enjoyed it. Biked for a half hour and ran for 40 mins – including adding 4 x 100m sprints and 10 minutes tempo. I felt good – until I came home to my mess of a kitchen and piles of laundry to be put away and piles to be washed. Of course, the dog had to be walked first – then make lunches for tomorrow and then dinner. Heavy sigh.

But I woke up at 3:00am ish – the witching hour, ha ha. Why is it that people always wake up at 3am? Why is that a magical hour? Everytime I watch a horror movie about ghosts or demonic possession, the character always wakes up at 3 am.

You can tell I’ve only had 4 hours of sleep. I’m blithering on and on. Back to my dilema. What was keeping me up? For one thing, it was frickin’ hot in the room. Felt like a sauna. Marc was curled up in blankets like he was freezing to death and I had mine kicked off. So there I lay – and of course this over active mind of mine decides now is a good time to start thinking about ALL the things I need to get done…oil change and brakes fixed, make annual Dr. appointment, the never ending cycle of laundry, taxes need to be done. I started feeling overwhelmed. Then I started thinking about all the things I had to do at work today – hoping there would be no further interruptions like there had been all week. That lead to “what bills are due that I need to pay? Did I pay them ontime? When are the condo fees due? I must remember to ask Marc for some money to cover them.” It never stopped – in the background my internal iPod played continuously. Which reminded me I had to update that thing because I was getting bored with my music selection to run to.

Oh yeah, and I forgot to give the dog her allergy pills last night.

So this morning, head pounding from lack of sleep, I realized it isn’t the training that’s overwhelming me. It’s my life – and my job. Both are wearing me out. At work I’m “the fixer.” I’m the only office manager/admin assistant/writer/staff psychologist/IT person. If there’s an issue, I’m asked to fix it. There’s been numerous issues this week. Monday morning the coffee maker wasn’t working. Seriously. So first thing I’m told to go out and buy vinegar. I come back with vinegar. I test the machine to see exactly what is wrong with it. There’s nothing wrong with it. I’m tempted to ask if whoever used it actually put water in the tank. You might think I’m being sarcastic but these questions are necessary. That’s because the rest of the staff have Master’s Degrees. Very intelligent and good at what they do – but no common sense. If something isn’t working, panic sets in. It’s outside of their realm to deal with. That’s why I almost loathe coming back from holidays. Last time I was away, I was told the fax wasn’t working so they didn’t receive important faxes and perhaps maybe we should buy a new one. I looked at it. It was out of toner.

This is why I need out of this job. One of my best friends said I was too smart for the job. I don’t know if that’s it. I think I’m just losing my patience with people who don’t think things through before they act.

No point in discussing my overwhelming personal life – I’ve talked about it before and truthfully, I think 90% of us can relate anyway. There’s always something.

Last night I noticed Marc’s Triathlete magazine. One of the feature articles was how to achieve balance – living a fitter, more balanced life. LOL. Who wrote that??? It featured two pro triathletes. Of course their life is balanced. Triathlon is their job. Good grief. Well, I will read the article tonight while on my windtrainer. Perhaps there is some magical formula that I haven’t discovered.

In the meantime, I know what’s dragging me down and I just have to deal with it. Unfortunately, I can’t quit my job – not yet anyway. It’s just going to be a long two years and I really hope there are no more setbacks for us. I don’t know if I can take much more idiocy. As for my overwhelming life, I don’t have an answer. We all have bills to pay, living spaces to clean, vehicles to maintain, dogs and or kids to look after. Above all, I need to sleep. Maybe we need a 36 hour day.

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