Posted by: pursuingsub17 | March 12, 2009

Enough whining

I had to give myself a day or so to step away from where my head was at on Tuesday. I wound up at home, cranky, upset about a registered letter that I had recieved from Revenue Canada and poor Marc got the brunt of it all. He sat there, just looking at me with these innocent brown eyes and I realized I was out of control. I apologized – said it wasn’t him and that maybe I just needed this holiday. That night we were talking about how little sleep I’m getting and I think that’s my biggest problem. It turned me into a self-centered, whiney brat.

That night, before going to sleep, I read a chapter in this book that I’ve become fascinated with recently – What the Bleep Do We Know – and ironically, it was about taking responsibility for the things in your life that you’re not happy about. Now, don’t I already know this? Isn’t this what this blog is about? Talk about coincidence. I woke up the next day with the understanding that my anger and exhaustion is nobody’s fault but my own. My lack of motivation is from partly the set back of being injured but now it was because I wasn’t getting enough sleep. I wasn’t getting enough sleep because I’m taking on too much and I’m too afraid to speak my mind if I just don’t have the energy or time to do some socializing on a particular weekend. So I decided to focus on what’s most important to me – what is necessary and what I enjoy doing and I have to let go of the rest. I want to train, I want to develop my business, I want to write, and I want to read. Somewhere in there I need to fit in some time for friends and family. I don’t need to make sure the condo is spotless every single day. I don’t need to spend 2 hours in the kitchen after work cooking a gourmet meal every single evening. There are things that I am doing that don’t need to occupy a lot of my time. I am in control of this.

I went home last night with a smile on my face. The sun was shining and I felt great. I had landed another writing contract and I felt enthusiastic about getting my business website up and running. I was still unable to get on the treadmill but it was mostly because I need some catch up time on sleep. I don’t need to stay up late watching mindless television either. I don’t know why I do that. I remembered an article I read by Simon Whitfield – if he noticed the clock was after 9pm when he went to bed, he was upset with himself. Well, I don’t think I can get to sleep that early but I can certainly go to bed and read a few pages before nodding off.

So the last few days have been mental recovery. Tonight, I think I’m ready to put a work out in and actually run on the treadmill. And right now, I’m going to check my Ontri schedule to plan out the next week.

I’m good – I’m back.


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