Posted by: pursuingsub17 | March 10, 2009

Maybe it’s just the weather

I worked out this weekend – but not much. I’m sick of the treadmill. Actually, I didn’t even use the treadmill – the shoulder is still a little tender so I used the eliptical. And I didn’t log my workouts on my Ontri page. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t get up early because I’m so tired and after work I just don’t feel up to even a half hour run. I know mornings are better for me – I just can’t seem to get up.

My boss’ theory? She thinks it’s too cold – our instincts are to just stay in bed and hybernate. She might have a point. I was doing so well over Christmas and through January. Now I just want to get on the bike outside or not at all. I’ve managed 50 minute runs on the treadmill but only when my imagination takes me elsewhere and I’m listening to good tunes. Now the iPod needs updating and I’m sick of staring at a wall.

I’ve also been taking on a lot – finding writing and desktop publishing contracts while still holding a full time job. It’s good and I’m excited about it but I can’t quit my day job until I can get more work for my own business. So until then, I’m spending spare time setting up a business website, looking for writing jobs, doing the odd piece of work and writing for myself. I’m also getting ready for a trip, making sure my finances are in order, slipping into the tanning salon, getting a long overdue haircut, and…

…going to family functions. That’s really adding to my irritability – feeling the guilty pull of obligations. I guess that’s part of being in a relationship – the family members are nice – but I’m never alowed to say “I can’t make it.” I’m not even asked if it’s okay with me – it’s just assumed that if I don’t have plans with my friend or my own family that it’s automatically agreed to and I’m told after the fact that we’re going. If I’m not busy, great – they’re great people and I love visiting with them. But I was exhausted by the time Sunday rolled around. I know these people, they wouldn’t be upset if I said I couldn’t make it. Hell, there were two siblings that couldn’t make it.  But I think my partner, being more of a sociable person, makes the assumptions that whatever he wants to do, so do I. Then I let it boil inside to a point where I actually start crying because he’s made so many social plans for us and I can’t take it – I feel like I’m drowning and can’t breathe. Going out once on the weekend is enough. But he needs to book time with 5 different people on a weekend because he can’t say no. I like him – but there are times I wish we weren’t living together.

Maybe things will get better with the temperature rising – or maybe I just have to start exercising some control in a gentle matter before I blow up at my partner. Maybe tonight I’ll get on the treadmill or maybe tomorrow will be the day I can get out of bed at 5:30 am to sneak in some time for moi.

Regardless, this month so far hasn’t been a good one for me. Man – I’m not depressed but I can’t seem to stop whining!


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